“There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.” (Dt 1:31)
I thought I was ready for fatherhood, but nothing prepared me for the moment I saw this tiny, perfect, beautiful being. I was swept by a tsunami wonder, joy, amazement and gratitude at this pure gift. I was in awe at the responsibility entrusted to me. Two years later my second daughter emphatically confirmed this awareness.
To this journey I brought my own experience of my father. He and my mother committed themselves to giving us six children the best they could. He worked long hours and made sacrifices. And he taught us to play cricket as a sport and a way of life. He did not talk much, leaving the daily foreground to my mother, but he remained a reassuring, powerful figure in the background, emerging in times of crisis to take charge gently. He was an ordinary man doing ordinary things with great love without fanfare for his family.
Yet, upon his death, many unknown people came forward to pay their respects; only then did we realize how many people and families he had helped raise up out of poverty and powerlessness. As Pope Francis says, “Whenever a man accepts responsibility for the life of another, in some way he becomes a father to that person.” He had become a father-figure for them, and that made all the difference. We know that this is how the Reign of God is built, here and now, through little people who do little things with great love.
When God chose to interrupt human history directly, he chose Mary and Jospeh, ordinary people in insignificant Nazareth. We know and love the story. However, there is a risk we overlook St Joseph. He was an ordinary good, Jewish man, a carpenter. God turned his life, ambitions and dreams topsy-turvy. He knew he was not Jesus’ biological father. He said “Yes” to God, and married Mary , rather than put her aside and shame her. What turmoil did he wrestle with to make this radical, counter-cultural decision? Having made a decision, Mary and Jesus became the centre of his life, he remained faithful to his mission to keep them safe all his life. Wherever Mary and Jesus went, Joseph was there, in Bethlehem, in the Temple, fleeing to Egypt, Returning to Nazareth and in the Finding in the Temple. Jesus and Mary took centre stage while he played the critical, supporting role. During the hidden years in Nazareth, Jesus learned carpentry and life skills from Joseph, and grew in wisdom and maturity (Lk 2:52). He did not live to see Jesus’ ministry, or his Passion, Death and Resurrection. What might he have thought of the value of his life as he lay dying?
In a singular mark of honour, Jesus is identified as the son of Joseph the carpenter (Mt 13:55-56). Moreover, the prayer Jesus taught begins, “Our Father…”. While clearly addressing God the Father, I imagine there are echoes of the love Jesus received from Joseph. He is the model of a good father.
Fathers are made, not born. My wife and children continue to shape and mould me with love, laughter and affection into being the father I am. It is a lifelong, slow, intentional, at times difficult metamorphosis, like that of a caterpillar into a butterfly. One thing is certain, I am living in God’s love as their father; everything else is a footnote. And that is my fulfillment.
Pope Francis in ‘Patris Corde’ (2020) expands fatherhood beyond the familial boundaries: “Whenever a man accepts responsibility for the life of another, in some way he becomes a father to that person.” Therefore, I wish everyone who is playing the co-creative role of fatherhood, BLESSINGS and A VERY HAPPY FATHER’S DAY. This card about thirty years ago, sums it up (1 Jn 4:16b).
